Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
