there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
