just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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