did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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