I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
