Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
