I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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