If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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