I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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