my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
