Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
