she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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