What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
