oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Holy shit dude........stairs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
