I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
