dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
