we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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