I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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