6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I will die if light touches me.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
