When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
