Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
