We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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