Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
