Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
