Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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