You made eat vitamins until I threw up
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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