Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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