Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
