You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
