If that was your dad, he is hot
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
