I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my being single is dangerous.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
