yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She announced her abortion via fbk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
