What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there's paper in my vomit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
