i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
