One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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