apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
