Whatcha textin bout Willis?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
