no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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