So drunk its hurt
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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