so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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