your thong is hanging out like whoa
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
