I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize