I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
