no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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