Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think your dad took our porno
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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