If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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