I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
