i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
