nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish you could order shots online.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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