He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there is glitter all over my balls
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
