first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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