I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
