I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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